That is absolutely not the *theories name, I mentioned earlier... Read it like a fairytale.
Once upon a time you were a small human, and you connected to people around you in 6 ways:
Firstly, proximity (Birth+). You wanted to be close. “Hold me. Carry me. Where are you going? Why are you going? Come back!.”
Then, sameness (Age 2+). You wanted to be like them. You copied them, demanded to be dressed like them and needed to do everything exactly the same.
Then belonging (Age 3+)
These are my people. Mine, mine, MINE! Possessiveness peaked.
Then significance (Age 4+)
You started caring about whether you mattered. Am I special to you? Do you notice me? Do you care about me? Prove your love, let me sneeze in your face.
Then came love (Age 5+)
Not just needing others for validation, but growing capacity to truly love them back. *Sobs*.
And finally, being known (Age 6 and beyond)
The deepest layer. Letting someone see what is happening inside you. Your fears, your thoughts, your feelings, and your weird little inner world.
The point? As adults we may have a handful of people in our lives, but rarely more than one who you wouldn’t run from if they saw you in bad pants with bed hair.
This isn't really about the pants or hair.
It’s about attachment, trust and emotional safety.
We’re not designed to only have brief school drop off ‘hello’s’ with other grown ups.
We’re designed for connection deep enough to be known.
You are part of my inner circle, you have togetherness available for you here.
And when it comes to trauma you may not have experienced this natural pattern of attachment at all, so may still feel clunky when you try make meaningful connections. Sunday Therapy can help with that.
*Neufeld’s 6 stages of attachment, for my fellow nerds.
