Temperament theory is absolutely real. I just wanted to make you sing a jingle.
Have you ever looked at two children doing exactly the same thing and thought:
One child walks into a new room and immediately makes three friends.
Another walks behind you in your shadow, looks like a deer in headlights and scans for the exits.
One always slept through, and the other is allergic to bedtime.
One pretty fascinating explanation for some of this: temperament.
Temperament is the individual style we bring to the world from very early in life. It influences how we respond, react, adapt and recover.
Deep dive even further with me. Researchers describe nine dimensions of temperament:
Activity
How much energy and movement a child naturally has.
Regularity
How predictable their biological rhythms tend to be. (Pooping, eating, sleeping).
Approach
Whether now things gets a “WOOHOOO” or a “Wooahhh Nelly.”
Adaptability
How easily they adjust when circumstances change.
Sensitivity
How strongly they notice sensory experiences.
Intensity
How BIG their reactions tend to be.
Mood
Their general tendency towards a more positive, serious or cautious emotional tone.
Distractibility
How easily their attention gets pulled elsewhere.
Persistence
How long they keep going when something is difficult.
And this is where temperament becomes particularly useful for us as parents, partners or for understanding ourselves.
Everyone’s temperament meets their environment, their relationships, their expectations and the particular demands of their day.
A highly sensitive person might thrive with preparation.
A persistent person might need choices rather than repeated instructions.
A slow-to-warm person might flourish when given time before being expected to participate.
A highly active person might concentrate beautifully after moving their body first.
None of this means we remove the boundaries for children, ourselves or people in our lives.
It means we get curious about the person we're setting the boundary for and it gives us the opportunity to get curious about how our own temperament is a good match or a place of friction with other people.
An active child will seek an active parent to meet their needs, a sensitive partner will seek softness in friendships if their partner is too direct or problem solve-y. We all have a particular way of experiencing the world.
Our job isn't to sand off the edges of others so they fit. We can start by appreciating how delightfully different they are to us through the lens of temperament.
The Play Therapy Card Deck is drenched in this theory.
