*Chronically* well behaved.
I don’t care if children are “good”. There. I said it. I’m not taking it back.
In therapy with children I’ve watched with tightness in my throat, the ones who are chronically “good” and know how to perform what well behaved looks like.
I’ve exhaled when they chose to unravel, their little face crumpling as they shared the anger, the lying, the self harm, the loneliness, oh the loneliness… and under it all, the hurt. (Always done slowly, safely, with a container, a support system and a plan).
Children who are pretending to be good, don’t actually know what good actually feels like. They generally feel endlessly bad.
Woah nelly, enough of the very sad insights. Here’s the good news.
Here’s what an emotionally well child looks and sounds like…
Can respectfully say no. Expresses their dislikes without fear of punishment. Asks for help. Makes mistakes. Tries again. Apologises and accepts apologies. Speaks up when something feels wrong. Trusts they are loved even when they are spectacularly emotional or inconvenient.
These aren’t taught by sitting a child down and explaining them. They are hard wired through tiny repeated moments, especially through play.
Play was the way I reached the only teachable part upset children, play is how they learnt that being loved was always their birthright.
I created 33 easy to use games soaked in therapy skills because I wanted support to escape the therapy room and run wild….
At the kitchen table. In cubby houses. In waiting rooms. At circle time. In the play ground. On the road trips.
So, short story long. I am not another person telling you how to parent. I am someone who makes you and others genuinely want to be around your child because well loved children truly shine.
